I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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