they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
