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Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
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