Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
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there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
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I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.