it was like his penis was on wheels.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place