I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Do you remember whose house we're in?
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.