This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
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