I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?