hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode