everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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