Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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