my vag is so smooth its legendary
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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