True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
