he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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