Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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