That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
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