The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Randomize
