if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
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