i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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