I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
