I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
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