DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
