is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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