just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Randomize
