My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
