even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
