I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
