Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
