idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
