Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
