Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
