If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Pooping to opera.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
