This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
