I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
