listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
