Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
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