1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
