Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
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