I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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