I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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