even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Randomize
