He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
