He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
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