omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
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We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
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