he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
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I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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