thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
You can't just leave with hair like that
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
he just fucked me for my cheese.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
