she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Randomize
