I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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