So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
