When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
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