dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
