is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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