and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
