I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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