the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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