you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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