i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Sober January is a disaster.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
