Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
