Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
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