I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
