did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
