I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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