are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
