So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
