He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
