I am in a vortex of obligation.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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