i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
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