Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
