forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
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