What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
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