woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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