I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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