why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
