There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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