Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
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